Dealing with Discouragement

I wanted to stay at home like we always do on Sunday nights. It is not so much that I am a stickler for routine. I just like staying home. So last week when I read in the bulletin that we had a special service to hear a missionary speak, I inwardly groaned. When the pastor asked for a show of hands, I raised mine slightly, not committing to anything. I knew I would go. I felt obligated as a former missionary. I also enjoy hearing missionaries speak. But my calendar was full. I had something every night along with substitute teaching almost every day. I did not like the idea of adding one more thing to an overloaded schedule.


Gabriel had his final drama performance where he was doing the lighting. I picked him up and we went straight to church from there. We had a small group of people there. 20 perhaps. It was a typical missionary service with slides showing their ministry and a question and answer time followed. Then he asked us to open up our Bibles. I was completely prepared for a "Go ye therefore" type sermon. I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't know why the other 19 people came because the sermon was for me.

And they journeyed from mount Hor by the way of the Red sea, to compass the land of Edom: and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way. Numbers 21:4

Our journey over the last 18 months has been long and weary. It has affected every area of my life - emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually - and left me drained and discouraged. We know that God has led us here but honestly there are days when I feel that He has dropped us in the middle of the desert and forgotten us. I wonder about His timing. Why is this process taking so long? Haven't I spent enough of my life learning patience?

And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. Numbers 21:5

"Lord," I have prayed in recent months, "why did you have us leave Romania? We loved it there. Our friends are there. And I'm so weary of this hectic pace and this cramped apartment." I found myself becoming negative, critical and much discouraged. But God had prepared a sermon for me that night. I don't remember all the words that were spoken but those two verses slapped me in the face.


Life is often tiresome and discouraging. It's an uphill climb most days. And while discouragement is not a sin, it can quickly cause us to sin. I am still in the meditation mode on this sermon and I haven't sorted out all my thoughts just yet. But the discouragement has quickly evaporated and is being replaced by joy and gentle reminders of God's care from His Word. I am still on my long journey and I don't know when or where it will end. But God does and in that thought, that truth, I will trust.

But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23:10

My Story - The Call Part 2

I did not marry that boy across the table. I finished both elementary school and high school without finding Mr. Right. I spent the next four and a half years in college, trying to earn my MRS degree. I still dreamed of being a pastor’s wife and attending Liberty Baptist College seemed like the ideal place to make that happen. Since the college did not offer a degree in Pastor’s Wife, I decided to major in Drama. That was fun for a season and while I still love drama, I realized it would be difficult to make it my career. So, I began my sophomore year with a more practical plan of becoming a teacher. I successfully graduated in 1985 with a BS in Elementary Education and failed miserably at any attempts on the MRS degree.

During those long and often lonely collegiate years, God gave me a tender heart toward missions and I surrendered to do whatever the Lord wanted me to do. I didn’t feel led to go to a foreign field as a single woman. There are many single missionary women and there is nothing wrong with that. It was not the path that I was to take. I did try to open a few doors in that direction but each time, they were shut tight. Right after I graduated from college, I had applied with the Southern Baptist Convention Journeyman program to be a short-term missionary for two years. They rejected me! I never found out their reason but just accepted it as God’s plan.

The next winter, I held in my hands a contract to teach in a Christian school in Korea. The excitement of going to a foreign land, serving God in what I was trained to do was intriguing. By this point in my life, I had taught for a year at a small Christian school. I had assumed that since Mr. Right was not at Liberty, that he must be at this church. Unfortunately, there was no sign of him. I was frustrated with my job and wanted to quit. I had to teach too many subjects to too many children in a tiny classroom on a meager salary. This wasn’t teaching. It was more like spitting out facts and giving tedious assignments at the end of the day better known as homework. There was always the hope that the administration would see my plight and divide the class in half, leaving me with only one grade to teach. But hope deferred makes the heart sick. My hope grew thin and my heart weary of my career and the everlasting absence of Mr. Right so I looked for opportunities elsewhere. I considered the contract. It was the perfect way out. There was only one obstacle blocking the way and that was the complete lack of peace in my heart. I prayed, cried and pleaded with God but the peace did not come. This was not the path that I was to take. I knew that if God wanted me on the mission field, I’d have to marry a missionary. But that didn’t happen.

Instead, I met John, a Richmond City Police officer. We dated for a solid week and he asked me to marry him. “Lord,” I prayed during our short dating relationship, “he’s not a missionary, not a pastor, not a ‘full time Christian service’ anything. Is this Mr. Right? Is this the man you have for me? Is it okay for me to marry someone who is not in the ministry?” There was no audible answer. Only peace. The peace that I searched for in the doors that I had tried to open. The peace I longed for in my years of searching for the way God would have me to go. At last I had stepped on the right path and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, had filled my heart.

My Story - The Call Part 1

Like any story, there is a beginning and this is where I will start. Not the very beginning. That would be Genesis 1:1 and I was not there. Not my beginning either because I do not remember it. Instead, I thought I would share my first thoughts of being interested in serving the Lord.

Most missionaries do not have a blinding light experience like the Apostle Paul calling them into God’s service. God’s voice does not thunder down from heaven telling them exactly the next step to take. My first thought of full time Christian service had a much more humble beginning. It was in the lunchroom of a rural elementary school in the state of Kentucky. I was sitting with my best friend Susan talking about who knows what. Susan and I became best friends from the beginning of that school year and we were inseparable. We shared a birthday and each of us had an older brother named David. Those were important commonalities for ten year olds. I do not recall our conversation that day but the words of the boy across the table were unforgettable. I had a secret crush on him. However, I was much too shy to ever let him know my feelings, even when he was chasing me around the playground. I do not remember the date or the many other details of that day but his words still ring clear in my memory. “God has called me to preach,” he proudly announced. Our response was deplorable. We laughed out loud, hysterically and recklessly. The boy was deeply hurt and the agony was visible on his face. I laughed because Susan laughed. I laughed because it was the only thing I could think to do at that moment. It was then that I knew I would be a preacher’s wife.

Making New Friends

Because we wanted to go to the homeschool skating day, my night owls had to turn into early birds. I have known about the weekly event for several months now but for one reason or another, we haven't been able to attend. We ventured out this morning, a bit nervous because we knew no one. We found the rink easily and the girls started skating. Holly went slowly, hanging on to the walls for dear life. She was learning. . . I watched them for a few minutes and then decided to cast off my introverted personality and meet some moms. There were three ladies sitting at a booth so I walked up and introduced myself. They were very friendly and asked me to sit with them. We chatted a bit and discovered that we all were former missionaries, future missionaries or missionary kids. Amazing! We went out to lunch, exchanged email, etc. and they have invited us to be a part of their homeschool group. I am ecstatic about meeting these ladies. For so long now, I have felt like a misfit. I felt an instant bond with them and I'm praising the Lord for new friends.

The Very Beginning - Almost

Life is far from boring right now but there are not many blog worthy events to write down. So I thought I would write some more about our lives as missionaries and how we got there in the first place.

If I were to give my story a title it might be, “Lord, here am I, send me. But what are you going to do about my husband?” I spent four and a half years in college, trying to earn my MRS degree. I dreamed of being a pastor’s wife and attending Liberty Baptist College seemed like the ideal place to make that happen. However, I ended up with a BS in Elementary Education and failed miserably at any attempts on the MRS degree. During those years, God gave me a tender heart toward missions and I surrendered to do whatever the Lord wanted me to do. I didn’t feel led to go to a foreign field as a single woman. There are many single missionary women and there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t think I’m cut out for it. Right after I graduated from college, I had applied with the Southern Baptist Convention Journeyman program to be a short-term missionary for two years. They rejected me! I never found out why but just accepted it as God’s plan. Later, I all but signed a contract to teach in a Christian school in Korea. But I had no peace about that. I knew that if God wanted me on the mission field, I’d have to marry a missionary. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I met John, a Police officer; 100% cop. It was his life. We were married in April of 1987 and I just knew he’d be a cop the rest of his life. Asking John not to be a cop was like asking a fish not to swim or a bird not to fly. It was in his blood. He lived to write people tickets. The faster they were going the more he loved it. And he hated rainy days because he couldn’t run radar. I never mentioned to John that I felt the Lord had called me to missions. And I never asked God to make him a missionary. My prayer for him during the early years of our marriage was that he would be closer to God and the spiritual leader in our home. Well, the Lord certainly answered that prayer and in April of 1991 John told me that he felt the Lord calling him into full time ministry. I was surprised and not surprised.

The High Cost of Moving Part 2 - Thursday Thirteen Edtion #44

Thanks to Karen at Write from Karen for the banner

Moving can be a costly adventure. Moving to another continent is even more so. Most people do not consider the financial cost of a missionary, or others living overseas, coming home. All of our appliances were European except for our refrigerator so we had to sell them and buy new ones. Here are some things that we have had to buy to settle in here and make this home functional:

1. Washer
2. Dryer
3. Toaster
4. Iron
5. Blow dryer
6. Microwave oven (OK, it’s not a necessity but my family thinks it is.)
7. Can opener (Just a manual one. They are cheaper and they fit in a drawer)
8. Vacuum cleaner
9. Swiffer wet jet ( I hate traditional mops)
10. Broom
11. Dust pan
12. Shelves for the laundry closet
13. Over the door shoe holders for vertical storage